preach it, bill

a co-worker asked me to watch the season finale for former senator alan simpson's meltdown, but i have to say that bill maher's closing monologue blew me away.

listen to it (the loudest laugh you hear at the beginning and towards the end is andrew sullivan's), or continue reading for the transcript.

from real time with bill maher, november 5, 2004:

i'm sorry.  i'm sorry, i almost forgot:  this is the time of healing, the time when blue states and red states come together because we have so much to offer each other.  spice-rack, meet gun-rack. picky-about-bottled-water, say hello to drinks-from-a-garden-hose.  bought-an-antique-nightstand-from-an-estate-sale, meet uses-the-giant-wooden-spool-he-stole-from-the-phone-company-as-a-coffee-table.

oh, sorry.  there i go again:  kidding when i should be healing.

hey, say what you will about the republicans, but they do stand for something — armageddon, but it's something.

democrats, on the other hand, have been coasting for years on tom daschle's charisma, but that's not enough anymore.  democrats will never win another election if they keep trying to siphon off votes from the republicans.  they will only win by creating a lot more democrats, and you don't do that by trying to leech on to issues that you should be denouncing:  you wind up in a goose-hunting outfit a week before the election trying to appeal to guys who would sooner vote for the goose — guys who, even in down-to-earth, economically-ailing ohio thought blowjobs more important than job-jobs.  hey, these folks aren't "undecideds," they're not "in play."

no, what the democrats need are fresh new ideas that are dumb and hateful enough to win these people over.  you know, stuff like, uh, no drinking on christmas.  or how about a constitutional amendment protecting the song "god bless america"?  i say, let's put a fetus on the dollar bill!  with reagan!  and you know what country has been asking for an ass-kicking in the worst way?  finland.

yes, democrats need a really really stupid meaningless and utterly symbolic issue — and by "issue," of course, i mean, "thing to hate."

how about this:  an amendment that says people with gerbils are threatening the sanctity of pet ownership, and that, from now on, pet-owning will be defined only as the relationship between a person and his cat or dog. 

now, my opponent may disagree.  that's because he's a fag.

so, democrats and liberals, stop saying you're going to move because bush won.  real liberals should be pledging to stay because bush won.  trust me, you can't get away from bush by moving to france because that's where we're invading next.

a strange thursday night

last night, the day after kerry conceded the election, joe took me and our friends justin and brian to see r.e.m. in concert at madison square garden.  i have to say that, for a rock concert, it was a somber occasion.  the crowd still cheered for the band and got to their feet for their favorite songs, but even michael stipe acknowledged that he usually had more to say between numbers.  "honestly," he said to the audience, "i don't know what to say, so i'll just let the music speak for itself."  the crowd erupted in a roar of support and sympathy, but i imagine some isolated bush-supporters were saying, "yeah!  shut up and sing!"

still, expressing the sentiment of the majority of new yorkers, the band opened with "it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)."  when the song finished, the lights went down and stipe shouted, "thank you and good night!" which got a good laugh.  during the concert, stipe introduced a few songs by indicating where they took place, his intro to "cuyahoga" getting the biggest response — "this song takes place in ohio."  major boos from the crowd.  by the same token, the "cuyahoga" lyric "let's put our heads together / let's start a new country up" got the biggest cheers.

at the end of the evening, stipe thanked the audience again for coming out "on this strange thursday night" before launching into "man on the moon."  i had a great time, but damn if i didn't feel like i needed to give the band a big hug afterwards.

the set list:

1. it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)
2. begin the begin
3. so fast, so numb
4. animal
5. boy in the well
6. welcome to the occupation
7. the outsiders
8. get up
9. high speed train
10. cuyahoga
11. sweetness follows
12. the one i love
13. i wanted to be wrong
14. imitation of life
15. the final straw
16. losing my religion
17. walk unafraid
18. life and how to live it

encores:

19. what's the frequency, kenneth?
20. drive
21. leaving new york
22. electrolite
23. permanent vacation
24. i'm gonna dj
25. man on the moon

kerry loses

so much for "electability."

indecision 2004

ugh.  still too close to call, but i'm not confident that we will have a 44th president of the united states for another four years, when all is said and done.  damn you, ohio.  damn you.

just like four years ago, i went to comedy central's presidential election night party, this time at a restaurant/club called "the park" instead of roseland ballroom.  my friend and former co-worker tammi and i had our picture taken in the photo booth they had set up, the result of which is posted above.

halloween 2004

above: joe in his halloween costume.  below: me in mine.